Sunday, January 3, 2010

BLACK OUT.

Ima start off by saying I am really tired, cold, emotionally destroid and find my self once again on a road to destruction 1 year later from the last melt down. Is it the holidays? Fuck the holidays! Its not for me, but I will par take for my lil one. Yo Im so fucking drained & cold, I dont know if Ima even make it through this post and Ima keep 100% in this post too! Not that I would ever give you anything less, but today you get the fuck'n bonus add on in ya face I dont give a fuck going off the deep end I want my cake & eat it now any ways what the fuck was I saying (as I sit here brick as fuck fresh out the cold w all 3 layers on, for real no joke Im very cold & Im home). I dont know what the fuck happen tonight. All I know is I wound up in a fuck'n triangle of hurt. I hope you got time to read this post because Ima bout to go in like a NAVY SEAL. Ima spare the juicy details of all real person shit, but 3 of the closest people in my life I now have issue's with & one of them is always my out when shit is rough. So with that said who do I turn to? EXACTLY! NO ONE. Let me ask you this! Do you feel like no one feels your pain, no one cares and I mean the ones that say oh yeah thats my niggah! Ya know I was always told, the ones closest to you is the ones that will hurt you the most. With that said this warm heart has turn COLD with no thawing out later. It has turned colder then this apartment and thats fuck'n cold son! Tonight I have realized a horror I never wanted to face and so I do. I ask you tonight or this cold ass morning rather, WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO LIVE IN NY TODAY? Well Ill tell you, at this point more then I have that I can give and yes this FUCKING POST WILL BE ALL OVER THE THE PLACE cuz I can niggah! And yes I said the N word, so what! What fucks me up is I make fuck'n money! Good money, but the money I make now its like fuck'n.......... LOOK its like this, today's 50 to 70k job is like making 15 to 20k in the 90's. Who is this a recession for? Not people who have doe already. This recession has only made the rich more rich & the poor, more poor then ever. The rich keep along on the plans they had from the start which is to buy it all up and move you out! Now with all the foreclosures these greedy fucks are getting what they want faster and cheaper. JUST NOT FAIR! Boo hoo hoo just like me crying my fuck'n head off tonight (For real). WELL NO ONE FUCKING CARES! As I just scream'd that in my Sam Kinison voice. Sheesh tell me about it. Nah but for real, I just dont get it & Ima bout to explain! The beauty bout the U motha fuck'n S of A is choice & freedom. You like that right! well times that to 100,000,000,000,000,000 power (is that even a no.) if you live in the good 'ol fuck'n big apple. Yup Its true. Dam I almost lost site of what I was saying. What Im getting at is this........ I dont wont to live in a cookie cutter world with all these gay glass buildings where I can see you living your life. I dont want your ACME world & rules. Ive said it be for & I will say it again and again as much as it fucking hurts you to read it, hear it or see it. IF YOU CAN MAKE IT HERE, YOU CAN IT ANY WHERE (once upon of time that was true)! I love NYC for its choices, its many voices & faces and the taste it offers. From that awful taste cuz you just got ya shit took & snot box busted wide the fuck open to the taste of making it past all odds and proving you all wrong. So tonight I realized there is no melting pot here any more in NYC. There is only one, He is green & dead. And he is colder then the night is. I think this is the coldest night yet so far. People with a Voice are dead, caring about one another is dead, a working class is dead, New York being a place to make it from nothing is dead and fuck it Im dead too now. I will die fighting for New York City but I am dead inside, I have been sucked dry of hopes to make it further then I have and at this point this is where I write people off in my life and become stone. I will spare names but, you will all be my witness this morning. I can not fuck with you if you have tried to save face on the account of some one else making you reach out. People who only want want want & only give emotional grief at the end of the trade. People who complain shit is fucked up for them but got mom/dad or anyone they can run to for help in any way. Shit, all I got is a buncha broke friends that I cant even fall back on. And the friends that I got that can put me on, DONT! The list go's on so to all you mother fuckers out there, FUCK YOU! I tell ya fucko, for real..... at the end of this night before I decided to come home. The stop before that was fuck'n check out time, time to meet up with my Mama, but I had to pass for now because JoJo MoJo means the world to me. Let me ask you this! Is it fucked up that I can walk away from everything with out a blink. Like a light switch, you now mean nothing to me. NOTHING! I can turn my emotions off, just that simple! On all of you, every last one except JoJo MoJo. Never that. I love you baby girl. I always will & I will always make sure you are taking care of. Not on some morbid shit, but do you ever wonder who will come to your services when its time to check out? Well when it comes to mine, I dont think there would be enough room for all of you to come through. Im for real bout it, FOR REAL. Im the fuck'n Mayor of this 'Ol New Yawk Shid son. Who cares, not me at least. When I die just burn me & dump me. No grave, no viewing, no morning, NO NOTHING cuz most of you could care less about me now. TRUE STORY just like the shit I write about. I called it a while ago with the city getting bad and shit getting worse. Well its happening as we speak. Just like Ford to city: DROP DEAD! This Post has really taken a lot out of me to write, but this one means a lot to me. IDK , BFF Jonny Bravo! For you its good reading. To me, its the only way I can stop my head from hurting a little bit. Even when my wold is ok, its upside down with struggle, heart ache and beefs that are silly, but full of principle. As they would say in the hood, YO keep it real son. Keep it ahun'et kid and so I will. Id leave everyone one of you niggas behind in a blink if I hit the lotto. Except for a few of my niggas. True story cuz Stone Cold said so. Too cold to right anything else. With that said Fuck off & let me die in peace.